Yaar, how can one learn to bargain?

My friend says it’s a state of mind, like poverty. No, he is not the guy you’re thinking. He is just another normal friend who always has an opinion on almost everything and rarely lets you complete your sentences. My fear is fun for him and my fun makes him drowsy. I can write next two thousand words on how different we are fundamentally but are still friends with each other. Explaining differences he admits that Each individual is different from each other and there’s nothing like right or wrong and this is how the world is supposed to be. So, according to him its pretty chicken of me to be not able to bargain. Yes, this is how the world is supposed to be.

Talking about being fundamentally different, my girlfriend says bargaining is something which comes inherently to which my mother takes offense and says I have got qualities from my father’s side. And in reply to which my father says nothing as there is nothing worth wasting his paan for.

The significant other says just slash the price by half of whatever the hawker/seller is quoting. I once tried that and let me quote what seller quoted that day, “Babu Ji, you people are rich and still do all this. We are poor people, trying to provide education to our kids.” I paid 50 bucks more for that item and later I was humiliated by my cousins for not knowing that vendors say such thing even when they aren’t married.

My bae is super cute when she bargains. She is shopping chameleon. She has an eye for details. She has the superpower of touching fabric and telling people where it has come from and what cost would suit its purpose. She might have hated geography as a student but she continues to belong from different places where she shops. She is the Bear Grylls of shopping world.

With all the shame and humiliation I have brought to my tribe there’s only one thing I can do i.e. to never tell anyone what I have bought.

OR, OR…

I can just carry my weapon of mass bargain everywhere.