Category: Wonderings

Cheeseburgers and Boondi

April 30th, 2019

I have an uncle who like many uncles of this world is of no use to his family. So when my granddad’s elder brother died childless, he became over emotional and attached for all the obvious reasons and he said the person who died, liked the “boondis” very much so it must be distributed during the last funeral rites. Needless to say, it was made and distributed. And still that uncle couldn’t get a dime from the fortune of the deceased.

So when you die, what is that you’ll be remembered for?

I remember this thought also crossed my mind when I was storming my brain out on the day of my first book launch. I prefer to call it first because I’m hopeful someday I’ll also tell the story when I published my second. Well, I was saying when I was thinking about what should I say during the book launch, this question crossed into my mind. May be it was a prophecy of how my book will eventually “die”.

Cut to six years I’m seeing Happy Hogan tells Morgan how our beloved mechanic liked cheese burgers. Man! Such strong feels. I want to talk about more about Marvel’s Endgame. But, maybe some other day. Today I’ll talk about the cheeseburgers and maybe “boondis.” Whatever it takes.

See, the thought of dying is not uncommon what’s uncommon is the thirst for answers that you want in your lifetime. You ask from yourself, you ask from people, you beg, you try to grab answers by the collar, but still there are questions which remain unanswered.

So how people will remember you?

There’s always a unique way in which any other person perceives you. You may have a picture of your personality in your mind, but for others, that’s just thirty percent of how they see you. So, maybe, if you ask, they’ll tell surprising things to you, about yourself. So if you’re lucky enough to open this portal where you can see what you are, you’ll be little nicer. A little kinder towards the unfortunates.

And if you cannot see what you are then leave others, what good you can do for yourself machha?

This is what will fall between what people will remember about you and what they’ll speak of you. And for politicians, there’s always a third highway of propaganda.

See you guys later.

Love,

J.
Want

September 5th, 2018

Life begins and ends and all the things in-between build around your ‘want’. Want is not so different from wish. You can wish that you may get what want but to get what you want, you’ve to act. Act on different levels, act upon different circumstances.

People are not things. They have a mind and need of their own. If you want a person then what you may know, or as a matter of fact, what anyone knows is of no use. Each person is different. You may want to grow old and share your time with another person and the other person may just want to lie on a couch and play video games.

Love does bring out certain characteristics in a person but it doesn’t guarantee that character to be permanent… but then, what is permanent in this life?

Wanting a person and not getting him-slash-her may break your heart. You may be so unlucky that no single person would ever admire your want. But then, you may have to take the leap of faith… if you want to.
Midnight Wonderings

June 22nd, 2018

What is that you go to bed with? Cell phone, partner, book, aspirations, hope, tissues? And what is that you wake up next to? A naked body or a person you know, a paperback or a hardcover romanticism of a writer in any other part of the globe, struggling to get his words right?

Well, no one gets all the answer they seek, but how many leave the cocoon in search of an answer. Or how many know that there exist questions, questions that sprout from the void of emotions.

Why am I writing this? Just to give myself a reminder that every night before sleeping what I’m thankful for may be seeking answers and confining itself in the vivid reality of something else. It isn’t about the loyalty, but perception. It isn’t about holier than thou but the one-dimensional truth of an individual.

All I could do is to feel the skin of emotions that I encounter every day and take my one-dimensional truth and put it into the crossroads of perceptions and judgment and then leave to lead the life that I chose for myself.

28.689961 77.491603
Nooze

March 13th, 2018

When I was in school “Kala Bandar” was a piece of news that everyone, in those days, wanted to consume. There were many news reports and police reports about it. Then there was this “Teen Mundi” Ghost which stalked the areas of Navi Mumbai. And last year it was some barber ghost which was after Chotis of innocent women sitting in the dark.

By Frederick Burr Opper – https://www.loc.gov/resource/ppmsca.29087/, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=57725977

I was quite young when I realized that I have irrational fears. As a kid, I feared my Social-Science teacher. I feared that while invigilating he will turn his ass on my face. I feared Lucy Gray because my elder told me how she died and what she seeks from the kids like me, and NO, it was not like the way Mr. Wordsworth did. I also feared going out in my village because according to my grandmother there were bloodthirsty Chudails all over our village, in ponds, on pipal trees, under khatyias, inside wells.

I was a timid child growing up but then one day while turning pages I stumbled upon Lucy Gray and my fear got converted into anger. I got furious about Lucy’s father’s decision. I mean Mr. Gray it was probably United Kingdom’s weather and were you dumb enough to not realize that it sucks.

Well, this incident did something wonderful. I started looking for logical reasons behind the superstitious things that people said to me and I started looking for their reasons of saying such things to me. I became Littlefinger and showed my middle finger to my fears. The only fear or rather image that stuck with me was of the aforementioned ass.

But when I came over this hindrance of irrational fear, which is so deeply rooted in our society, I realized that people do not make informed choices. I mean they do when it comes to purchasing a car or going to some salon but in case of news, they believe whatever comes to them first.

The period I was referring to was before the time when these colony gossips and collective stupidity became a national thing. After the late-dawn of the internet, WhatsApp knocked down the collective conscience of our great humble nation.

Now we are in an era where the “fake news” has been named the word of the year. Favoritism has become a part of the propaganda. And the universal adult suffrage is turned into universal propaganda consumerism.

Matlab, Is it ethical for them to do so is a question for some other day. For now, we will have to become cautious about the news that we consume. We’ll have to become vigilant and not like my social science teacher, it’s not cool to put your ass on other’s face. And in the same way, it is not cool to consume only those facts that you pertain to. It is also important to know the other side of the story.

Or as smart people have said, don’t react but respond.

More on this later…
Air Kicks

March 12th, 2018

Taken from Google Images.

“Long distance was, and is, a terrible idea… a really terrible idea” – Ted Mosby.

I don’t understand relationships though I’m fifty percent of my relationship since last eight and half years. I get it, I mean; I get the point that when you like being with someone then you’ve to be with that person rather than to be elsewhere.

As a part of a country, where opportunities to work and grow are concentrated in very few areas and from where habitable zones are miles away, how are you supposed to make the work-life balance?

Thanks to Globalization and liberalization that footloose industries came and provided opportunities for people to be around those they love but still the problems of long-distance relationship persist.

But what if destiny keeps throwing you on a completely different path?

See, Growth is not the issue but growing apart is. Being a millennial I have seen many parents, including mine, living apart to provide for the family and for our education but I have also witnessed many of them falling apart or just simply being together for the sake of their children and, all time abused, society.

And also with the knock of liberalization, we have seen steep growth in the divorce rate. I don’t blame divorce, I mean, it’s better to live alone than to live together miserably.

But when it all boils down to living alone then why do people seek companionship?

I have this insane theory that in past one or two decades there has been an unending debate on individuality. Individuality is being advertised and sold and celebrated. There’s nothing wrong in seeking individuality but in this search, we have also lost the sense of inter-dependability and the feeling of belongingness because, hello, no one is talking about it except a generation which has an un-updated repository of knowledge and has irrational fears.

Alcohol and weed have been made a cool thing to have. Parties begin when the bottom of the glass is reached. And the spaces that people wanted earlier got converted into the zones in which the significant other for the time being cannot enter.

What can you do when you’re in the middle of relationship turmoil?

Well, with all the negativity that is hovering in and around our lives all we could do is to let the significant other be what he/she may want to be. Because what you’re scared of will come in front of you in one way or the other. All you could do is to be supportive, caring and forgiving. And if it is meant to be then the destiny will find a way to keep you together.

More on this later.
High on Chai

February 9th, 2018

How much time, or rather how many cups of chai are required to catch up with your machhas, is a very difficult question.
And no-one has come up with a sustainable answer for it. Sustainable because alcohol makes its pupil quite unsustainable.

Chatting over a chai in our country has changed governments. Eating pakodas might change it again. Well, effect of before-mentioned game of thrones on friendship is subject of research for some other day.
Today’s burning question still revolves around the required numbers of cup of chai in a group of friends especially when they are meeting after a decade.

I say N where N is the number of cups after which you’re high enough to make a plan to meet next and not high enough to regret it.

Last time when I meet these guys one of them was going through a breakup and got married last night with no regrets.

And if you’re still stuck on the fact that N is not a valid equation then FU and you’re smart enough to understand what’s FU… FIRST UNDERSTAND that numbers don’t matter when you want to have a good time.

More for later.
Inferno

January 19th, 2018

Remember when Robert Langdon ran across the Vatican City to save the potential popes… Wait, that was Angels & Demons in Inferno he was exploring Dante’s hell or as I would like to call it – my social life.

As a kid, my sole archenemy was that piece of Parle-G biscuit which decided never to come out after the dip in holy tea and also that was later ruined by one Mr. Khurana using it as an innuendo for erectile dysfunction. I mean this Mr. Khurana could have his own problems and I have mine.

My archenemy, now, is this adulthood and his sidekicks are those people who come to remind me that I have grown up. I have. I mean the midriff which was once a hanger-on which I used to drape my clothes has grown up to become a balloon which enters a room before my face could. Hairs which romanced with air once are now found sleeping with the towel. Their life is going down the drain.

These are all good things. I mean these are just traits of the aging process. My irritation doesn’t sprout from this but from the fact that other fellow assholes are aging too… and few them like wine – they smell foul and when stirred they throw up(fuckers!)

They throw up advice and opinions with subtle advice. These fuckers have opinions about everything. And if they have to be believed then they and their relatives have undergone every existing circumstances possible in this world.

These group of individuals and their covalent come in all shapes, sizes and holier than thou lifestyle choices and react badly to sarcasm. Their choices of weapons are Religion, Social Norms, Parampara-Pratishta-Anushashan, and something that happened to someone else. All they seek is their retirement plans and your happiness.

What can you and I do to void this?

Umm, let me know if you have any solution or poison to give them.
Passsion

November 25th, 2017

Used my extra-ordinary talent to google this image again. Taken from PINTREST.

Movies, Newspapers, Social Media any platform available in Milky Way admits that ‘passion’ is the Buzzword of the decade.

Half of the people I meet these days want to follow their passion. And half the people I’m not meeting is also pouring these magical words into someone else’s ears that they want to be a unicorn and I’m thirty-nine percent sure that these people, might or might not in return, must be telling them to go for it.

I’m not a pessimist. I don’t see the glass half empty. Ji Nahi. Instead, I have got a quick response to the bullshit that people serve me.

First of all, everyone has a passion to be something “creative” only.

It started with the dream of being a bestselling author then Photographers took over then all of these were brought down by the standup comics of our nation. Call it digital convenience or Make in India; everyone suddenly got a platform to become a celebrity. And not to forget, our national dream of becoming a Bollywood star.

Yaar you can accuse me of being cynical but this passion is on the same footing as Make in India – Not properly guided.

To become a sportsman you need stamina, endurance, practice, determination but, if every guy from Indian crossroads have to be believed then, to become a Bollywood Star you need only two things Hair Gel & Gym, and maybe skin tight Ed Hardy t-shirts and if your surname reads ‘Kapoor’ then – KARAN JOHAR!

Likewise to become a business tycoon you need an idea, unemployment, and re-runs of TVF Pitchers.

I know. Till now you must have had a hundred arguments against the things that I have mentioned and I agree with all those arguments without any rebuttal.

And the reason that I’m not rebutting is that you if you suffer from any of the scenarios that I have mentioned then you’re never going to understand what’s coming next and the reason you won’t comprehend it is that you are full of shit. Shit served by the brands, stupid sitcoms, your friends who are half empty, and the achievers who never tell this world how much bullshit now they serve others by not telling real qualities that others must acquire to reach the position where THEY are.

You may question, what authority and qualities do I hold to say these things?

Two Words – Common Sense…

See you may dream or aspire to become anything from A for Astronaut to Z for Zoologist. We all need certain qualities to reach wherever we want.

Passion is nothing without business sense. You must possess business sense if you want to follow your “passion.” Your likeability factor must top the charts. Your sensibility must be smart enough in itself to know that when you’re being served with propaganda. And your courage must give strength to others and obviously – to yourself.

Enough rant for now… I shall return to shatter some glass and burst some bubbles.
Bargain

November 18th, 2017

I don’t have what it takes to click such a beautiful picture, a camera but I have an extraordinary talent to google search market image and pick up beautiful picture that suits my purpose. All credits to the person who clicked this and people at google.

Yaar, how can one learn to bargain?

My friend says it’s a state of mind, like poverty. No, he is not the guy you’re thinking. He is just another normal friend who always has an opinion on almost everything and rarely lets you complete your sentences. My fear is fun for him and my fun makes him drowsy. I can write next two thousand words on how different we are fundamentally but are still friends with each other. Explaining differences he admits that Each individual is different from each other and there’s nothing like right or wrong and this is how the world is supposed to be. So, according to him its pretty chicken of me to be not able to bargain. Yes, this is how the world is supposed to be.

Talking about being fundamentally different, my girlfriend says bargaining is something which comes inherently to which my mother takes offense and says I have got qualities from my father’s side. And in reply to which my father says nothing as there is nothing worth wasting his paan for.

The significant other says just slash the price by half of whatever the hawker/seller is quoting. I once tried that and let me quote what seller quoted that day, “Babu Ji, you people are rich and still do all this. We are poor people, trying to provide education to our kids.” I paid 50 bucks more for that item and later I was humiliated by my cousins for not knowing that vendors say such thing even when they aren’t married.

My bae is super cute when she bargains. She is shopping chameleon. She has an eye for details. She has the superpower of touching fabric and telling people where it has come from and what cost would suit its purpose. She might have hated geography as a student but she continues to belong from different places where she shops. She is the Bear Grylls of shopping world.

With all the shame and humiliation I have brought to my tribe there’s only one thing I can do i.e. to never tell anyone what I have bought.

OR, OR…

I can just carry my weapon of mass bargain everywhere.