Expanding The Horizons

Cheeseburgers and Boondi

April 30th, 2019

I have an uncle who like many uncles of this world is of no use to his family. So when my granddad’s elder brother died childless, he became over emotional and attached for all the obvious reasons and he said the person who died, liked the “boondis” very much so it must be distributed during the last funeral rites. Needless to say, it was made and distributed. And still that uncle couldn’t get a dime from the fortune of the deceased.

So when you die, what is that you’ll be remembered for?

I remember this thought also crossed my mind when I was storming my brain out on the day of my first book launch. I prefer to call it first because I’m hopeful someday I’ll also tell the story when I published my second. Well, I was saying when I was thinking about what should I say during the book launch, this question crossed into my mind. May be it was a prophecy of how my book will eventually “die”.

Cut to six years I’m seeing Happy Hogan tells Morgan how our beloved mechanic liked cheese burgers. Man! Such strong feels. I want to talk about more about Marvel’s Endgame. But, maybe some other day. Today I’ll talk about the cheeseburgers and maybe “boondis.” Whatever it takes.

See, the thought of dying is not uncommon what’s uncommon is the thirst for answers that you want in your lifetime. You ask from yourself, you ask from people, you beg, you try to grab answers by the collar, but still there are questions which remain unanswered.

So how people will remember you?

There’s always a unique way in which any other person perceives you. You may have a picture of your personality in your mind, but for others, that’s just thirty percent of how they see you. So, maybe, if you ask, they’ll tell surprising things to you, about yourself. So if you’re lucky enough to open this portal where you can see what you are, you’ll be little nicer. A little kinder towards the unfortunates.

And if you cannot see what you are then leave others, what good you can do for yourself machha?

This is what will fall between what people will remember about you and what they’ll speak of you. And for politicians, there’s always a third highway of propaganda.

See you guys later.

Love,

J.
Neil Islands

April 23rd, 2019

Day Four was all about Neil Islands. We again stayed at the Holiday Inn here, it gave us a pool just at our door step. Our first destination was Sitapur beach which to our surprise was less crowded than any other beach. After roaming on the beach we left for coral point where I picked up dead corals, remembered where I was when the tsunami came in 2004. Kept the tradition of taking thousands of pictures alive. And returned back to the hotel to eat dinner, which by the time had started tasting same like anywhere.

We went to Chidiyatapu after coming back to Port Blair. Man! what mesmerizing ride it was till there. And once we were at Chidiyatapu we roamed around for a while and then took some hundred pictures yet again.

In the evening, though our cabby dropped us near an emporium, but honestly the last thing that I want to talk about that night is of Annapurana cafeteria. Our taste buds thanked us for eating there that night. Amazing food at reasonable prices. And the following morning we were flying back to the humble abode.

And since that time till now there are only two things which come to my mind. First, if Andamans would have been anywhere except India, we (a) probably would have been paying more, and (b) would have been going crazy to visit it like any other international destination.

Secondly, I don’t know when will be he next time when I’ll walk on these shores again.

PS – There’s a good news about the first thing though . Click This.
Havelock Island

April 23rd, 2019

Remember, under water, there’ll be immense pressure, so don’t forget to equalize the pressure, ” said our instructor before our first dive. One of the greatest one line philosophy, that, I shall be using on my peers after every fourth drink.

This potato wasn’t made in 2016.

The next morning after an awesome visit to cellular jail I realized not only sun goes down early on the islands, but also rises way too soon for my lazy ass. Especially after moving into a new house and going through three weddings, I was, and somehow I still am, glued to the bed. But all the tiredness went away as soon as I saw the rising sun.

So, on day two we went to Havelock Islands through Maccruz Cruise. The cruise had wonderful ambiance, helpful staff and a fairly priced canteen. But what was awaiting us at the other end was even more breathtaking than the ocean currents. Swaraj Deep.

Same Same

But Different

As I’m writing this blog, I’m realizing I’ll need to refer the list of adjectives more than ever before. White sands, blue oceans, and unreceptive cell phone are truly a blessing. We clicked pictures and moved to the Holiday Inn resort beach, which gave us an amazing stay, provided beach side bars and a conversation which probably will be a part of my autobiography.

We started our adventures on Havelock Island with Scuba Diving and even my chronic sinuses could not stop me from acting dead under water. If only I could have written something like Farhan Akhtar, but still I reminisced those lines and we came back to our hotel to get ready to reach, as Times magazine would call it, one of the finest beaches to visit in Asia, Radhanagar Beach.

PC to the sweet who selflessly clicked her picture.

who knows if i wanted to pee, the water was already salty

We passed through semi naked old men, drenched aunties and couples making heart in front of the setting sun. The thought which is more unsettling till now is that how tourism suffers badly not only because the government is not that willing to blow some life into it, but also because we as Indian have to go through the evolution of manners.

I found a pamphlet for candle light dinner for couples and we decided to visit a Havelock island beach resort for the next night. Post that we made our way back to the hotel and ended our night by getting drunk on the beach.

Day 3

Elephant beach provided us more opportunity for water sports and guess what we did them all, snorkeling, jet skiing, sea walking and not boat riding because guess what we shared a boat while coming to Elephant beach. The only thing which disappointed me was that there were no elephants. I mean, what’s the deal with elephants these days why have they become so hard to get. I feel like Cersei. When you’ll get there you’ll know that there’s no bargaining and any water activity on any island will cost the same.

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After spending our thrilling time on the Elephant beach we took our tired bodies to Kalapatthar beach. We dragged our broken bodies and happy souls on the wonderful beach which got closed till the time we reached there.

So, remember kids, if you want to visit Kalapatthar beach, do it well before 5 pm or you can get some lessons from random beach security aunty. But this thing also came as a blessing in disguise to us, it gave us enough time to refill our energy for the amazing candle light dinner we had later that evening at Havelock Island beach resort where we had amazing food and liquor and encountered a water snake.

More to follow.
Andamans I

March 31st, 2019

How everything has become easy these days? You Google what you need, you get numbers then you tell people what you want, they customize your wants and Voila! Next thing you know is that you’re on a flight to Andamans! (Thanks Flynote.)

So I, or rather, we were on islands for four nights and five days. Two days in Port Blair, Two on Havelock Island and one day on sweet Neil Island.

We had an early morning flight from Delhi to Port Blair via Calcutta and even after being excited about the vacation we slept till Calcutta. Our lazy ass realized the fact we were going to one of the most beautiful places on earth only when we saw the breath taking aerial view of Sunderbans for the first time. And before we could make any plans to jump, we were flying over glorious blue water of Bay of Bengal and slowly the entire “…water water everywhere nor any drop to drink” made its way into our discussion.

And in two hours fifteen minutes from Calcutta were recording the mesmerising view of Andaman Islands. Man! What beauty!!

And as we put our feet on the ground we gained the most important piece of information about the island and all the jokes that I had ever cracked on BSNL till then were laughing on my face. Catch is, island expects you to detox yourself from the digital poison only if you’re using any other carrier than BSNL. ONLY BSNL PROVIDES 3G THERE. Imagine a planet where YOU are SUPERMAN!!! Though you get decent Airtel and Vodafone signals but they are only good for making calls to tell your mom that you’re having fun.

So after making calls and relaxing a bit at hotel, we found a car waiting for us outside which took us to not-yet-so-spoiled Corbyn Cove Beach. Jettys were there, some ok-ish eatries and our fellow uncle citizens taking the dip in salty water with their one nipple hailing for freedom from their white ganjis.

And after taking some two hundred pictures, which believe me is not sufficient to soak the beauty of this rocky beach, we moved forward to Cellular Jail.

Cellular Jail, is popularly, and not lovingly, known as Kalapani was built by the Engländer which is a German word for the Britishers. Every single brick of this infamous Cellular Jail tells a story. Stories of how we were oppressed, how the wights were always a problem (Game of Thrones anyone?), and how much courage and pain does it take to convert a piece of land into a glorious nation, if only we can keep the true spirit of our Constitution and Independence alive. This empathy was followed by an amazing light and sound show.

We finished our day with an amazing dinner at hotel.

P.S. Special shout out to the uncle selling kachhi kairi outside Cellular Jail.
Who calls it unripe mango. The wights?

More to follow.
Netflix And Moongfali

December 30th, 2018

It’s a cold winter night. Your future is as dark and cold. You’ve to study andt there’s a cell phone lying next to you, and the moongfali that you purchased by surrendering your will to get slim, what do you do?
Simple. You watch black mirror Bandersnatch and question your reality, which you otherwise anyways do.
So I ate groundnuts and chose nothing in the beginning, Netflix itself chose to show me whatever it wanted to. (Nahi dekhni bey prem rathan dhan payo)
But then the fourth wall was broken and I started choosing the outcomes. And then it ended, I scratched my balls and dozed off. Woke up in the morning with terrible gas, and regret eating moongfalis but not watching Bandersnatch.
Man! What great story it was, not as great as other interactive game stories, but what the hell, who doesn’t want to tell the protagonist to chew his nail or to shout at his on-screen I-wish-I-Could-slap him dad. I wanted to see more of Colin played by the genius kid who created mutant toys. It’s really him and mutant toys are the future.

P.S. I’m no expert on a what a story should be, it could be anything, I liked it so I’m scribbling this blog post. I would give it 4 peanuts and an antacid.

Next is Bird Box.
Shadow of the Tomb Raider

October 9th, 2018

Thanks to a friend who not only shares the zest for playing video games, but also owns a ps4. His courtesy that I got to try my hands on this new edition of the Tomb Raider Franchise.

After catching the glimpse of trailer few months ago I had this itch to try the game.

Man!!! what treat Shadow of the Tomb Raider is. I have played TR since the time I had 256MB of RAM in my PC. And seeing Lara do so much is like an old man seeing their kids do wonder. Not like Lara Croft is my brain child, but the connect is that strong. An amazing storyline ( all thanks to theRadBrad), easy controls, smooth graphic transition and what not. I would totally waste my time to pursue this action adventure, but I believe, that is for some other time. For now, it’s time to get back to the usual business.

P. S. Is it just me or you guys also feel that the Uncharted Series has changed the way the world will look at action adventure games?
Kantaben

September 6th, 2018

Man I laughed my ass off when I saw that scene for the very first time. By the second time I developed appreciation for the bromance of leading actors, I still do appreciate Rohit and Aman. By the third time Kanta ben and her little homophobic stint became irrelevant to me. And movie, honestly became unbearable. I do watch it sometimes just to cherish few memories associated with it.

You may ask why just Kanta Ben there’s this guy, who was accused of second degree homicide as US attorneys would put, he has displayed homophobic attitude openly…. But then my dear friend who hasn’t in our crumpled society where even pooping has to be sanskari.

There are innumerous scenes that display homophobic attitude of society as a whole but Kanta ben, however, became the face of it for me. Trembling trays, rolled eyes, scandalized and spaced out look was not that of orgasm but of despise. Despise that made Kanta ben weak.

But this is not only about Kanta Ben, it is also about Aman, who atleast made me and Naina believe that Rohit had a bad hand writing. And also showing me that laughing on a homophobic is a right thing to do.

Let’s keep movie aside and celebrate the judgement that honourable court has delivered today. Sprouting from basic logic that each human must be considered equal.

Our preamble declares that our constitution guarantees equality but obviously the time to act upon such guarantee is no where mentioned. When I say no where I mean who is to say that corpus will be available in twenty hours but it’s dignity maybe somewhat in hundred years.

Well, it’s also not a time to be skeptical. Good coffee brews in its own time. For now let’s hope our legislators and policy makers will drink this coffee and will be little bit more agile in time to come.

P.S. So many people will turn Kanta Ben today. I wish I could see couple of them cringing on national tv, just to have a good laugh.
Want

September 5th, 2018

Life begins and ends and all the things in-between build around your ‘want’. Want is not so different from wish. You can wish that you may get what want but to get what you want, you’ve to act. Act on different levels, act upon different circumstances.

People are not things. They have a mind and need of their own. If you want a person then what you may know, or as a matter of fact, what anyone knows is of no use. Each person is different. You may want to grow old and share your time with another person and the other person may just want to lie on a couch and play video games.

Love does bring out certain characteristics in a person but it doesn’t guarantee that character to be permanent… but then, what is permanent in this life?

Wanting a person and not getting him-slash-her may break your heart. You may be so unlucky that no single person would ever admire your want. But then, you may have to take the leap of faith… if you want to.
Excerpt

August 26th, 2018

All copyright © belongs to the guy publishing this post that is me, Jayendra Dubey.

Guess the biggest craze of Indians when there is no festival to celebrate or no
death to mourn, no train to catch or no schedule to follow. I may have to take
that last bit of scheduling, out from the context because this “craze” demands
scheduling. Each and every microscopic detail has to be discussed, decided
and then thrown out of the window as soon as Sukhbir‟s „Ohoho‟ starts
playing.
This is the story of not one but four weddings. Four weddings that churned
out whatever emotion my subject had in him. But before I start explaining
what random deuce this person has taken on sanity you must know who am I and why I want to narrate this story to you?
I’m one among the thousands of narrator appointed by the almighty who tells their human about the things that they should do or not do. Many believers also see me as their guardian angel but I’m no guardian nor am I any angel, I’m just a narrator who yells, what the fuck Steve, you should’ve worn clothes before drinking boiling soup.”
But no one listened to me for a long time because to listen to me you need a
special frequency and the last person to achieve this frequency was some
short guy from Germany with a funny moustache. There must be some
terrible fault in this frequency because he did exactly opposite of things I
asked specifically to avoid.
There was a court hearing about this blunder in heaven and I was expelled
from there. I appealed but appalled almighty threw me on this funny looking planet for eternity and don’t ask about that short guy because last time I heard he was to be fried in hot oil for hundred years before he could be thrown into other cells of hell.
And now suddenly while roaming on this planet one day I stumbled upon this
guy, who was roaring drunk then, he shared his cigarette with me and I realized, may be in years this is the time, I could play guardian angel to an
asshole and return to my wonderful home.

More to follow soon…!!!
बस यूँ ही

August 24th, 2018

Life and tyranny.

वेदना – समवेदना

कितना आसान होता है कह देना

सहना,जितना कठीन भी नहीं ।

समय परिस्थितियॉं सब चल रहें हैं

अपने वेग और प्रवाह मे

कौन रूकता है यहॉं किसी के लिए,

बचपन से सिर्फ़ संस्कार ही ढोते आया

क्या लोग बदल रहे है ?

या बदल घट रहा है मेरी सोच में ,

खोजता रहा अपनेपन , वास्तविकता

और ज़रूरत की वजह….

बेमानी हो जाता है सारा वजूद

जब ज़िन्दगी किसी रेड लाईट इलाक़े

के चौराहे की तरह हो जाती है

जहॉं प्यार भी ,

जेब की औक़ात से नापा जाता है।

सिर्फ़ सपनों मे मुझे दिखाई पड़ते है रिश्ते ,

अपने पन का एहसास भी बेहोशी मे ही

हो पाता है अब ,

ऐसा क्यों ?

कभी उस किसान की मनोदशा मे

होता है मन,

पथरा जाती हैं , जिसकी आँखें

बारिश के इंतज़ार मे ।

और बारिश !

सरकारीतंत्र की तरह,

बरसता भी वहीं है ,

जहॉं ज़रूरत नहीं ।

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