Imagine this: You’re sitting at your desk, sipping coffee, scrolling through your regrets — I mean, your memories. Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that suspicious Chaap in 2016. Maybe you shouldn’t have taken up that “one-size-fits-all” parachute deal. Or, perhaps, just perhaps, you should have passed on texting your ex at 2 a.m. after that 4th beer. (we’ve all been there).

What if you could signal your past self to avoid these catastrophes? And not in some heavy, dramatic “time-travel-gone-wrong” sci-fi way, but with a casual, “Hey, past me, maybe skip that third slice of cake, yeah?”

Welcome to the wacky world of parallel Earths—where every bad decision you’ve ever made can be neatly avoided. But here’s the kicker: you don’t get to benefit from the good decision. Nope. That privilege goes to your alternate self, living in some other reality, laughing at how they totally dodged the cringe moments you’re still haunted by. Nice.

So, how does it work, you ask? Let me paint a picture of what it’s like to send messages across timelines.

1. Step One: Admit You Screwed Up (Again)

You wake up at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat, remembering how you thought investing in crypto dog-themed coins was a “genius” move. You realize your alternate self could be right now on the verge of making that same, glorious financial nose-dive. It’s time to help a parallel brother out. Fire up the Time Message App (because obviously that exists in this universe), and type out, “Dear Past Me: No, buying Doge 2.0 won’t make you a millionaire. Trust me.”

Send. Now go back to scrolling through Zillow listings of houses you won’t be buying.

2. Step Two: The Art of the Perfect Warning

Now, here’s the thing about warning your past self: You’ve got to be subtle. After all, you’re dealing with someone who thought wearing socks with sandals was perfectly acceptable once. You can’t just scream, “DON’T DO IT” or your past self will definitely do it out of sheer spite. You have to be smooth.

Let’s say you’re about to warn 2010-you about that shady job offer you got from “CryptoSolutions Unlimited.” Instead of “Run away, fast,” you message, “Hey, maybe ask them what they actually do for a living before signing anything.” See? Classy.

3. Step Three: Laugh as Alternate-You Thrives

You’ve done it. You’ve sent the warning, and alternate-you has avoided disaster. Naturally, their life now becomes perfect. That past taco decision? They skipped it and never spent the night regretting it on the bathroom floor. They didn’t blow all their savings on NFT art of cartoon penguins, and now they’re probably relaxing on a beach somewhere, sipping piña coladas while you’re sitting at home googling “how to sell penguin NFTs for rent money.”

The upside? While they’re busy being fabulous, you get the pleasure of knowing that some version of you has figured it all out. The downside? This isn’t your reality. This is still the one where you thought bangs were a good idea.

4. Step Four: Handle the Unintended Consequences

There’s a catch, of course. Altering decisions in the past could have ripple effects—especially in parallel universes. So, while alternate-you is living their best life, their universe might be dealing with some unintended side effects.

Maybe your parallel self avoided eating that cake at a party, only to end up in an awkward conversation with a stranger that spiraled into a job offer in clown college. Now they’re a world-famous clown with a deep existential crisis.

Or worse: you warned them not to date that one person, and now that person ends up becoming a villain in their universe. Oops. That’s on you, buddy.

5. Step Five: Resist the Urge to Overdo It

The temptation to go full-on life-coach for your past self is strong. You start thinking: “What if I tell them to start working out earlier? What if I tell them to avoid watching Cats the movie?” Before you know it, you’re bombarding them with daily messages.

But here’s the deal: nobody likes a micromanager—not even your alternate self. So, chill out. Let them make a few bad decisions of their own. After all, where’s the fun in life if you can’t make mistakes and laugh about them later? Plus, maybe they’ll send you a message one day: “Dude, lay off the advice. I’m just trying to vibe.”

The Final Thought: Embrace the Chaos

So, is signaling your past self in a parallel Earth a foolproof way to fix your life? Nah. But it’s fun to imagine, isn’t it? Mistakes are part of what make us, well, us. They’re why we have good stories, questionable tattoos, and random trivia knowledge that nobody else cares about.

Sure, maybe some version of you somewhere else has everything figured out, but here’s the truth: This version of you? The one reading this right now? You’re doing just fine. Even with the bad decisions, weird haircuts, and questionable investment choices.

Because at the end of the day, if parallel universes exist, we’re all just making it up as we go—one plate masala chaap at a time.

And who knows? Maybe your alternate self is sending you a message right now. Maybe they’re saying, “Hey, you turned out okay. Don’t stress. And P.S., avoid ordering that masala chaap l”

Later

Jd